SUNDAY APRIL 1ST 2001
I kissed a beautiful girl tonight! I was going to write “April Fools” but is it really necessary? I can’t find words right now. I am VERY irritable! I am mad at myself for EVER being nervous about ANYTHING! Do I think I am that inferior? Yes I do. I don’t but I do. I mean, I’m not but I am. I haven’t been very positive at all lately. I could write about the events of my day but I feel like I owe this book a little more nonsense first. Blah! I was on time this morning. Amy-Jayne called me back! It looks like I am in but I’m still uncertain. She is bringing me the material to learn on Tuesday. Reading this entry I will remember nothing of this day. Heather has been struggling to write up some stuff for her application to be promoted in New York. She made the mistake of asking my negative opinion.
MONDAY APRIL 2ND 2001
I kissed a beautiful girl tonight! The bottle just happened to stop pointing in my direction. I slept in until 2:30pm then went with Heather to transfer her gym membership to my name. I played drums for some time then put on a tie and running pants and went with Matt to see Marty perform downtown. I sat in a crowded little pub feeling out of place as people played Christian songs they had written. “I Love the Lord” was Marty’s grand finale. Free food. Afterward we went to a girl’s apartment that Matt works with. After catching the end of “Muppets in Space” we played the Chinese version of spin the bottle. Bing…Boom…Bong…Wa. It took me a while to catch on to the rules. I have a headache from so much laughter. I was miserable after being forced to take a shot of vodka that accidentally went into my nasal passage. I wasn’t miserable when I had to kiss a really pretty Chinese girl. She didn’t seem too thrilled though. Much fun.
TUESDAY APRIL 3RD 2001
When I got to work today there was a Post-it note waiting for me from Amy-Jayne. She wrote in pencil that she forgot to bring the CDs and will see about dropping them off on Thursday. But that’s not exactly what the Post-it said by the time I read it. It said “…see about ‘jacking you’ off on Thursday.” When I looked up in disbelief David and Rhonda lost it. They had been watching me read the note to see my reaction to their handy work. I’ll really miss ‘em. I really didn’t want to leave when Joani came in at 5pm. Heather made taco salad tonight and I watched “Copycat” on TV. I’m curious about what makes people kill. Oh, I was flustered talking to David about religion today. My conclusion is that I should never open my mouth about my beliefs or lack-there-of to anyone who is certain of their faith. “Keep your God to yourself.” Since I’m writing to myself I can continue…but I won’t.
WEDNESDAY APRIL 4TH 2001
My alarm went off every 9 minutes from 10am to 11am and I really didn’t know what world I was in. Heather had planned on sleeping in but my alarm ruined that. I’m a jerk. The frame shop is behind schedule but today was relaxing. David, Rhonda and I watched a “Frame Magic” video. I’m already familiar with the program from the Toledo store. I got off at 5pm and went to Kathy and Joani’s to help Kathy move some boxes for a friend. Joani had just had an emotional phone conversation but her tears went away as we all talked for a bit. She seemed completely comfortable telling me how good of a kisser I was in her dream the other night. My goodness! My thoughts were consumed as I went around town with Kathy to a storage place, her grandfather’s house, the Post Office, here, Fazoli’s, Green Hills Mall and finally back to her house where Joani was having yet another emotional phone conversation. Again her tears subsided as we joked around. When Joani asked why I never have a girlfriend, Kathy said something about how I think I am too dull. We had recently had a conversation where I concluded to that. Joani said that she thinks I am a “real catch”. I told her she sounds like my mom. Then she continued to say that my mom doesn’t want to make out with me and have dreams about it. The next thing I know we were on the couch…looking at photographs. Then her boyfriend showed up and I headed out. When I say my thoughts were consumed it wasn’t as much about the dream as it was Joani’s emotions. I have the urge to attach our brains. So with my thoughts spinning around Joani and how I wish circumstances were a bit different, I came home and talked to Heather. She had met Kathy earlier tonight and they were both giggly. I guess that’s what girls do when they like each other. Weird. All Heather could say when I got home was that Kathy was pretty and I should forget about dating Joani. I agree with both statements. She also thinks I should ask Kathy out. I can’t! I just don’t see her that way. I can’t help who I am attracted to. I’m a jerk! Oh well, I am too stubborn to be otherwise.
FRIDAY APRIL 6TH 2001
It is 2pm and I am sitting on a rock in the middle of a stream that runs along the property of Biltmore Place apartments. A rather large turtle buried itself in the muck when I disrupted its peaceful afternoon. I have to be to work in one hour! Though I would rather just sit and take in the life around me, I must make a record of happenings on April 5th. I woke up at 11am and felt under par so I went back to bed. It wasn’t until 4pm that I gathered enough strength to pull myself from sleep. A few days ago while driving around with Heather I saw a guy picking up litter on the side of the road. I determined that on my day off I would do the same. The area just past the tunnel on Murfreesboro Road was a disaster. It is now lovely. An old man on a bike gave me the thumbs up making me feel pretty good. I hope someone else gets the same notion I got by seeing someone cleaning up. I’ve always complained about litter so I might as well do something about it. I’ve found other areas that are in severe need but I underestimated how much trash it takes to fill a garbage bag. I plan to do this often but you know how you are with plans. When it got dark I came in and played drums for a long delightful time. It was so comfortable outside that I couldn’t stay in any longer. I got in the van without a destination. Fishies! I drove away from town until I was on a semi-desolate road then I parked and explored some wooded areas after my eyes adjusted to the dark. I got a ways in and came across some barbed wire. After I crossed it I realized that if I had to escape for any reason it wouldn’t be a good idea to have barbed wire between me and my vehicle. I found a new way to get back to town then I looked for the highest hill to maybe get a view. I found a road that had been fenced off but the fence was smashed down so I proceeded. I parked in a small junkyard and walked through some more woods but there wasn’t a clearing to see the city in the distance. It was pretty eerie. I enjoyed myself. Shopping at Walmart had never seemed so…odd. I guess it’s because I knew that no one there had ever been…nor intended to go where I had just been. Am I going mad? Am I having Montana withdrawal? Is that why I am on this rock unaware of the time? I should go soon. Here’s proof of my madness: Whenever I drive down Haywood Lane I pass Nicole’s street. I have never felt up to turning down it to see where she lives but last night was an exception. I wonder what her dad’s reaction would be if I crashed their swimming pool? It is accessible right from the road. No worries. Tonight I enjoyed yet another musical adventure at Josh and Robin’s after work.
SATURDAY APRIL 7TH 2001
I blame this journal for my nervousness toward girls I’ve written about. Nothing happened today to make me say this but it might be true. I’ll prove that theory wrong once I’m done writing in here but there won’t be a record of it. Before I fall asleep I’ll write of my day. I was on time at 9am to open shop. I counted down the hours until Joani arrived at 1pm. The first thing she asked was if I had any plans tonight. I was about to fly…then she asked if I would mind working her shift. Crash landing. On my extended lunch break I went to OfficeMax to get a pen refill…and other reasons. No one knew anything of Nicole. Sorry journal. Looks like that one is going to go unanswered. I would probably faint if I saw her anyhow. After closing shop Kathy went with me to Matt and Marty’s where we watched “The Dance of the Yeti”. Duane is in town. I hung out with him and Mack the Knife at Wayne’s.
SUNDAY APRIL 8TH 2001
My straining eyeball! I’ve dumbly decided to stop wearing glasses. Why? They are irritating when it is hot and sunny. I had a lousy day. I was late for work then once I was there Lisa tried to point out and correct my every flaw. I appreciate her concern but I am too stubborn to take advice. Seems like I should explain…but I won’t. I can hardly see what I’m writing! I sat and looked at a dumb Julia Roberts movie mindlessly when I got home from Michael’s then went to bed at 10pm. At midnight I woke from insane dreams. Heather was still up. I had to convince her that the clicking noise outside her window wasn’t a scary animal eating something. When she went to bed I watched a program about spring water in Florida then started writing this. I am already upset that I am going to sleep through most of tomorrow. I could determine myself to get up early but it would hurt too much. I’m going to wear my glasses tomorrow. This is bullshit! How did I expect to finish reading Harry Potter without my glasses? Oh, Amy-Jayne came in to drop off the songs I need to learn. Kathy asked me if she seemed like someone I’d like to work for. There isn’t a person in this world I’d “like” to work for. I’ve been in a crap mood all day. I have never wanted to be accompanied by a female more than now. Who? Exactly. Damn I feel screwed up.
MONDAY APRIL 9TH 2001
Ah! Much better! I’m off today and am at the cliffs of Percy Priest Lake. I got up just after noon and did my laundry and learned some of the country songs wishing I were out enjoying the sun. It is reassuring to know that my mood doesn’t depend entirely on the weather. I had a most irritating day so far. The sun will go behind the trees in a moment. I’m starving so I’m going to eat this whopper, listen to the birds for a while and hope that wasp doesn’t come back. [bye bye sun] I always say that people in Nashville don’t know how to drive and today I proved that I am right. I almost drove some lady off the road! The first thing I did after driving like a Southerner was wash the van. The dirty spots are just more obvious now. I ran out of quarters to get the job done. I had the urge to play basketball but I don’t have one. At Seven Oaks Park there weren’t any games that I could pick up on but there were enough people to make me not want to be there. So I decided to just park my van in its usual spot back at the apartment. I was going to get a towel and lay out on top of the van but I smacked my head going down the steps and was in no mood. I always make sure to duck…no…usually…I usually make sure to duck. I don’t know what got into me. I knew there would be people here at Percy Priest but it was getting late and I didn’t have time to look for a more peaceful place to write. I wanted to sit by the water but fishermen lined the shore so here I am at this stone table as visibility is getting dim. Oh, I’m still not wearing glasses. Do I disrespect my eyeballs? If I get laser surgery I might as well get braces…and a nose job…and wings. I’ll settle for a fishing pole. It’s nearly too dark to see. [back in my bed] I totally forgot to mention one of the main reasons I didn’t like today. I planned on clearing litter again but was completely discouraged when I drove by the area I cleared last week. It was worse than before! Does the wind blow it all to one spot? No, it’s everywhere! Did a garbage truck spill? Are people really such slobs? Oh well, back to learning country songs.
TUESDAY APRIL 10TH 2001
Sun burn! I woke up at noon and built up the courage to walk through the wall of bumblebees to my van. I didn’t go anywhere. I climbed on top and rested in the sun. A few hours later I came into the apartment to receive a message from the office saying “we can’t have people laying on vehicles in the parking lot.” I’m really sorry. I appreciated Dave Matthews Band then went to work early for a change. As the minutes went by I grew redder and redder until I was an image of pain. Joani is so great! She brought me aloe vera. Oh, I had a dream about Joani last night! It must’ve been a reaction to her saying that I’m a good kisser in her dreams. The kiss was very dull but moving still. I have been thinking a lot lately about how my loneliness effects the way I view things and stuff. Isn’t that nice to know? Anyway, the aloe felt so good when she put it on me. No, no, I put it on myself. It still felt good though. I guess it is a go for this country band…at least for the Music City Marathon gig on the 28TH of this month. From there it will be decided if I get to go to Europe, Asia and Africa this summer. Next week Wayne and I are driving to North Carolina to visit Brad at Camp Lejeune. Then on the 1ST of May Chris is renting a car and I am going to make the road trip with him to Dallas, Phoenix and finally San Diego! I’m flying back so I don’t leave the frame shop hanging for too long…though it has been pretty slow. I have two chapters left in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. It should make a good movie. I saw a clip.
WEDNESDAY APRIL 11TH 2001
I just finished reading Harry Potter. What a cool book! I don’t have much else to say about it. I seem to have an easier time writing when I take this journal on a trip. Not much went on today and I’m ready to sleep so tomorrow, before work, I’ll find a location that may help me fill this page.
THURSDAY APRIL 12TH 2001
I am at Fountain Estates. It’s not as peaceful here as I thought it would be. I feel funny sitting here on this fountain…in this cemetery. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea. I’m going back to my rock in the stream at the apartment. Maybe my turtle friend will be out enjoying this gorgeous day. [Nope] I wonder if he heard me coming? I can feel my sun burn getting burned right now. Anyway, Wednesday was a typical 9 hour shift. Maxine was closing manager and she hung out back in the frame shop telling me funny stories from when she worked for David Copperfield (the magician). I guess he’s a pretty crappy, demanding individual. Is anyone with good business sense crappy? Is anyone that is not me crappy? Is that what I’m getting at? Oh, shut up! People that demand service from other people are crappy. Heather has quite a bit of stuff. All I have is a box, a suitcase and a drum set. Oh, and a van. A big white van. The ad has been in print for over a week yet no one has called. I should probably put a “For Sale” sign in the window. What is the difference between “God” and conscience? Where did that come from? Kathy says that she has been waiting for God to tell her where to go. She feels good about Oregon so therefore that is what God wants. I say, “What ever works for you.” What was the point of writing that in here? Am I just trying to fill space? Quite possibly. It’s time for me to get off of this rock and put on my red apron. [after work] Somehow I let it get late. 3:30am late! Here’s today: I woke up before I was ready at noon and my head wasn’t happy about it. I went back to bed until 1pm and all was well. I circled the city in search of a place to write. Across the street from 100 Oaks Mall is a cemetery and I figured it would be pretty peaceful. Nope. I completed the circuit of Nashville by pulling back into apartment parking lot. I had a hard time writing about yesterday because I kept wanting to write about what it was like down in the ditch on a rock. I spent my afternoon in a ditch and I loved it! Over the past few days I’ve thought of over a hundred things I’d like to make a record of but not one comes to mind when I hold this pen! I had a time cutting oval glass for a customer tonight. I’m moving into Wayne’s spare room tomorrow. In the morning, I mean, in a few hours I expect Heather to wake me up so I can help her move the rest of her stuff in my van. Ashley said she wanted to help but she probably won’t…she hasn’t been around for months…but the email remains consistent. It’s raining finally. Amy-Jayne asked for my passport info and everything so I guess it’s on. Only one thing…she hasn’t heard me play yet.
